Mia Goes Lucky Catch Lobstering !

Commercial Street, Portland Maine

Today, I wanted to do something different with Mia. I wanted to get closer to the shores of our wonderful state, but I wanted her to experience a fun new way to see the waters, and what they hold. So, I got on the computer and started researching boats for charter.

I thought about a whale watch, but the trips are nearly four hours long. Without knowing if Mia would even tolerate standing on a boat, I didn’t want to subject her to four hours of something she might not like. So, I looked at scenic tours, bird watches, island visits, and then I came across, lobster boats!

How fun would this be? To go out on a boat and learn about a piece of Maine history, and to share in this new experience with Mia all at the same time. Plus, the ride was only an hour and a half, so it would be short enough to be a maiden voyage for Mia. Yep, I started making phone calls and decided that we were going to go out on the quaint little vessel named, The Lucky Catch.

The lady in waiting, the Lucky Catch

The lady I had spoken with on the phone was very nice and understanding when I told her about our situation. Mia has Autism, yes. But she’s just like every kid, looking for adventure and opportunity. She was more than happy to accommodate us, and seemed to understand my desire to involve Mia in as many new things as I possibly could.

I played my fifty questions game, (can she walk around on the boat if she chooses, will the boat be overly crowded, will there be other children present?) and decided that this little adventure was a go! I made a reservation for the two of us, and anxiously awaited the coming weekend!

And we're headed out of the harbor!

When Saturday finally arrived, Mia was up bright and early. Four O’clock in the morning, bright and early. I had mentioned to her the night before what we were going to be doing, and I think the excitement in my voice got her excited about starting the day! No worries though. We got up, had breakfast, and got ready to head out on our adventure.

All hands on deck! Time to fill the bait nets!

When we got to the Commercial Street area in Portland, we found a place to park and headed for the booth for the Lucky Catch. The captain of the boat this morning was there helping to check people in. He knew who Mia and I were instantly, and I reiterated our situation to him. He too seemed more than pleased to accommodate us.

Mia and I walked around on the pier while we waited for our time to board the boat. Mia wanted to walk down the ramp towards the boat that we were going to be on, but I told her that she had to wait. She was happy at that point to walk up and down the pier, looking out over the edge at all of the boats.

Ready to pull in a trap or two?!

When it was time to start boarding, Mia was more than happy to walk down the ramp towards the boat. She watched as the other kids climbed aboard, and then I helped her climb into the boat as I followed her in. She walked around for a minute, and then started to get upset. She was simply unsure of this situation, and what it meant for her.

Captain Dave was more than willing to go along with the trip, even though Mia was having a bit of a hard time adjusting. He had also offered to refund our money if I thought that she wouldn’t like it at all. Either way, the choice was mine. I couldn't believe the amount of acceptance both Captain Dave and Elaina gave Mia and I. I decided we would stick it out. I told her that she had to give it a chance, and we sat down and waited for the boat to move. I knew once we were moving and the wind was in her hair, her worries would be behind her.

Mia getting in the middle of the action!

And, as it would turn out, I was right. We started moving out of the harbor, and Mia's cries of unease started to diminish. Once we got out into open water, turned around, and headed 'out to sea', her sense of calm became greater. As the boat swayed with more rhythm as we picked up more speed, Mia's happy sounds started up again.

Looking on as the other kids helped bring in a trap. 

By the time we made our first stop to pull in traps, Mia was completely calm and collected. And when Captain Dave and Elaina asked the kids to help fill the bait nets, Mia picked up on their lifted spirits and enthusiasm, and walked onto the deck with them.

Elaina teaching the kids a thing or two about lobsters.

The transition to this new experience was made, and wonderfully with the kindness of everyone aboard the boat. This was one experience where I had prepared myself for stares of irritation from other parents, and looks of judgement from other kids. But I was pleasantly surprised at how well everyone understood what Mia was dealing with. Everyone was excited to see her happy and enthusiastic smile, and many of them told her what a good job she had done!

Look, SEALS!!!

Mia watched and wandered around as the trip continued. She was very interested in the five gallon pails of fish that were used for bait, peering into their silvery centers each time they were brought out. She stood among the other children while they pulled traps over the edge of the boat, looked at the lobsters that were brought in, and watched as the traps were pushed back out.

There are lobsters in the trap!

The educational pieces about lobsters, how to tell males from females, how big they have to be to keep, and more, were great for all of the children! Even though Mia didn't participate in a 'hands on' way like the other children, I know that she took some of her own pieces from this experience away with her. 

Mia standing at the front of the boat....This is MY ship! :)

We had a great time out on the Lucky Catch, and I felt extremely lucky that everyone aboard was so understanding and accepting. When we got back to the pier, I graciously thanked Captain Dave and Elaina for the experience and their understanding. They seemed very pleased with how well the experience turned out for Mia.

Mia and I climbed off of the boat and headed up the ramp to explore some more of the working waterfront. Mia skipped by my side, looking up at me with her big smile and her loud happy noises, telling me that she too had a wonderful time!

Mia and Momma on the 'high seas'! PERFECT day!

Changing Expectations

Baby Mia coming out of NICU and headed for recovery in the Barbara Bush ward!

When you’re expecting a child, you do just that. Expect. Those expectations are brought to you in the forms of visions and dreams about this little bundle of life living deep within your womb. Visions of who this tiny person will grow to be. What they will succeed at. What you will do for them to create the best life possible. Dreams of memories that you will create with all of the things that you aspire to share with your small creation. Yes, these are all normal expectations when you’re expecting, and even after your baby’s arrival into this world.

But what do you do if you find out that your child might face some challenges that could potentially hold them back from achieving some of your preconceived notions?

The answer is simple. Really, REALLY, simple. CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS.

I too had these visions during the long and wonderful wait for my daughters arrival. I expected our first six weeks together to be an uninterrupted time of bonding while I was out on maternity leave. Instead, fate brought us to a NICU unit for the first three weeks of our lives together in the pursuit of a hole in Mia’s lung to repair itself. It did, thankfully, requiring no surgeries. And somehow, even in my moments of complete hormonal imbalance, I CHANGED MY EXPECTATIONS.

No, this was not what I had planned or hoped for. But being there, by my child’s side for the duration, still helped us create a bond that is strong to this day. A bond that tempts fate, and instilled early on that I would always be by Mia’s side. No matter what circumstances came our way.

Mia, two years old.

This beginning, this hard and testing start, was just that. A test. For several months later, I would be given news that would again require me to change my expectations.

News that involved Mia’s diagnosis of Tuberous Sclerosis (TSC), followed by Autism and Epilepsy.

All of this meant that Mia’s life could be drastically different from the one that I had previously imagined for her. TSC meant more doctors visits in a year then most children would be going to in three years, and potential health hazards as a result of the condition. Epilepsy meant more of the same.

Autism could have had it’s effects on her development in a multitude of ways, prohibiting her from communicating, engaging in social interactions, making friends. and even living life as an independent adult.

Yes, all of this was hard to digest, and to different people it could be perceived in many different lights. But for me, the only way of looking at it was, what other option as a mother did I have than to put a positive spin on the scenario for the sake of my little girl? I looked at the challenge with a serious game face (and a ferocious growl), and………….CHANGED MY EXPECTATIONS.

I still wanted Mia to grow and succeed as an individual, what parent wouldn’t? I still dreamt of her growing into a perfect and unique being, one un-replicable by any standard. I still had visions of her making friends, and having play dates. I continually longed for the first steps, the first words, the first “I love you’s”. The hurdles we were going up against just meant that it might take a bit longer for her to get there, and that her ability to express herself because of a lack of words would be substantially different. So I changed my EXPECTATIONS of the time table of when these accomplishments might play out, and of how we would continue to bond in the face of communication barriers.

Mia, four years old.

So, in order to help her along, I changed my expectations according to what Mia could do in the NOW. Not what I hope she'll do 20 years down the road. I knew that she had the potential to be interactive with those around her, so I  EXPECTED that, and then did the work to help her achieve that. I wanted Mia to talk, to be adaptive to any situation, to learn to express her feelings, so I EXPECTED that, and have worked hard to help her along. 

Because of this change of expectations, I grew stronger and more sure footed as a mother. I found a great many ways to connect to this little girl of mine on a level that many parents will never connect with their typical child. I worked around her challenges, prepared for every scenario we had to encounter, and continually gave Mia the new experiences and opportunities that every child deserves.

Six glorious years later, Mia has grown into a unique, bright and sunny dispositioned little girl. Always wearing a smile on her face, even in her toughest moments, she is a beacon of hope, determination, and inspiration. She SHOWS her love and affection in ways that the words “I love you” could never express. She greets anyone that crosses her path, child and adult, with big smiles, eye to eye contact, and a laugh of pure joy as she finally knows that she’s being seen and accepted by all around her. She walks through life with such a strong force of positivity, that it creates a gravitational field of warmth and enlightened energy that others can’t help but be drawn to. Always up for an adventure, Mia can handle any situation with confidence and pride as she goes here, there, and everywhere by mom’s side.

I had no idea six years ago that in addition to changing my expectations to match Mia's abilities, I was also creating a positive energy and an "anything is possible" way of thinking for both of us. This way of being, this way of living, has become a powerful force in our lives. I know now that without my choice to expect what is possible today, and leave tomorrow for tomorrow, and my consistency in engaging her in the world around us, she would not be where she is today. Thriving, living life to it’s fullest, and extending compassion and hope to all who cross her path.

Changing an expectation is merely a realization that anything is possible. You might just have to go about it a little bit differently, and it might take a little longer than anticipated. But in the end, the added effort is well worth it.

Mia at her pre-k graduation, six years old!

Thorncrag Nature Sanctuary

Imagine if you will, a sprawling, lush land filled with pines, oaks, maple trees, and ferns. Abundant with life, there are constant sounds of owls hooting, birds chirping, squirrels scurrying, and chipmunks…..chipmunk-ing! With every corner brings a new sight, a new set of scenery, a new adventure. Imagine all of this, nestled amongst urban and suburban surroundings, and you’ve just entered into a new discovery that Mia and I have made in the city. The Thorncrag Nature Sanctuary.

We pulled into the parking lot, rounding half of the circular parking area, and backed into a spot. Mia was giggling in the backseat. When I looked in the mirror to see why, I found that Eliza, Mia’s besty who had joined us for the weekend, was reaching over and unbuckling her. Apparently Mia though it was funny to have this “upper hand” on mommy as she leapt forward to put her forehead against mine with a big smile on her face.

We got out of the car and put on our bug spray, grabbed out water bottles, and headed up the trail. Mia led the way to the information board and waited for me to catch up. These are always a sign to her that the trail is near, and she always remember that mommy needs to look at these.. There are actually two large information boards, but I only grabbed a picture of one. One shows the types of birds a person can see during their walk. Thorncrag was originally set up as a bird sanctuary, and has gained multiple uses over the years.

HUGE trails makes for a great family hike!

I grabbed a trail map from the board and took a quick peak at it. As it turned out, there would be more than just trails, trees, and sounds to explore. This trail was also dotted with some pretty interesting additions. I tucked the map into my back pocket to use as a reference along our way.

Mia had started her happy screeching as she and Eliza ran up the trail. I lightly jogged to keep up with them. Who am I to tell them to stop or slow down? After all, they were out here to have fun and enjoy themselves. Run to your hearts content kiddos!

Mia came to an abrupt stop when she came to a four way in the trail. She looked back at me, with a quizzical look on her face. “Which way do we go mom?”, the look asked me. “Go straight Mia, follow the yellow trail!!”

“Follow the yellow trees Mia!”, Eliza hollered at the top of her lungs as she pointed to the yellow paint mark on the tree trunk closest to them. And in an instant, Mia and Eliza were off on a journey, and I was jogging along with them again!

Eliza: I'm so happy to be here!
Mia: Eliza, I'm so happy YOU'RE here!
:)

It was Eliza’s turn to stop next, as she asked me what THAT was up in the woods. I squinted up in the direction that she was pointing, but I couldn’t make heads or tails of which THAT she was looking at. When I asked her what she was looking at, because I wasn’t sure if she was looking at a tree or something else, she responded with “Ashley, that black thing right THERE. It looks like  a BEAR! Should I be afraid of it?”

Instincts told me that what she saw was likely not a bear. And if there had been a bear around, it probably would have skedaddled before we even knew it was there. Bears are actually quite afraid of humans and tend to stay away. Still, my heart skipped a beat when my eyes caught glimpse of what closely resembled the profile of a Maine black bear.

I investigated further, only to find the “bear” was an old rotting stump from a fallen tree. I told the girls how sometimes your mind plays tricks on you. I told them how one time (actually, on several occasions), while I was out deer hunting, I too thought I’d caught a glimpse of a bear moving around in the last minutes of a hunting day. 

Kavanagh Bench

After we agreed that the horizon was bear free, we continued up the trail. It wasn’t long before we hit the first landmark on the map, The Kavanagh bench. All along this trail there are memorials and dedications to people who gave their time and resources to develop this area. This piece of land has quite a history to it, but it’s one that should be read and felt as one walks down the path. So I’ll try not to ruin too much of the story for you.

There's no keeping kids from running for the center of this great place!

Anthony Fireplace 

The next feature that we came across is called the Anthony Fireplace. When we rounded the trail and the girls saw this enormous fieldstone structure, they ran for it’s center. It’s focal point, the fireplace, was massive. Like something out of a midevel castle. Benches surrounded the fireplace. Massive benches that looked as if they’d been built for giant kings and queens.

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Mia ran over to the large bench directly across from the fireplace, and Eliza followed suit. Shouting at the top of her lungs that “This would be a great place to have Christmas Ashley and Mia!!” Ha! Kids say the funniest things. But I did find myself wondering how this place would look with a blanket of fresh white snow while Mia chased Eliza from one side of the bench to the other, giggling the entire time. So cute!



After the girls had their fill of this magnificent structure, we followed the path a bit further to find another fireplace. This one was much smaller than the first, but Mia still took quite an interest in it. I could tell that all of these items seemed out of place to her. It’s not often we find something man made along a hiking trail, and I’m sure she knew that these were not at all ordinary.

Miller Fireplace

We followed the yellow trail to the very end where the color markings turned green. The girls decided that they wanted to turn back the the Anthony Fireplace again. Eliza said that she wanted to play kings and queens on the big benches. But since there was no king with us, her and Mia would be princesses, and I’d be their person to do things for them. “You want me to be your servant?” I asked with a funny look on my face and an unbelievably goofy tone in my voice, which led to uncontrollable laughter for both of the girls. Eliza grabbed Mia's hand and they both ran down the trail together towards the fireplace.

After the girls got their fill of the fireplace, (and telling me what to do, lol), we headed back down the trail towards the entrance. We took a right at the intersection where Mia had wondered which way to go. I wanted to check out one other thing on the trail today before we left. There are two amphitheaters on this trail. One near the beginning, and one further up the trail. Amphitheaters are a great alternative to teaching indoors in a boring classroom. Especially if the topic being taught pertains to the outdoors! 

Amphitheater 

Thorncrag Nature Sanctuary is a great place to explore nature in the Lewiston/Auburn area! We spent half a day on the trail systems, and we still have so much more to explore here!

Wishing Away Summer...

This has been one of those summer…….okay, the only summer……..that I have actually wished away. Not because of the heat or humidity. No, I love these parts of summer. Not because I desire fall colors, crisp fall air, or fair food. (Um, actually yes to the fair food!) But because it’s the start of a new school year!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about a summer with my child. In fact, I cherish all of our warm weather moments together. Hiking, fishing, outdoor events, and experiencing many opportunities that we can’t during the winter months here in Maine.

The only reason that I have wished this summer away, is because this year, Mia starts at her new school, the Margaret Murphy Center (MMC). And let me tell you, this momma can not wait! This is what I fought for, what I moved for, what I’ve dreamed for for well over a year now.



This is Mia’s best opportunity in her battle against Autism, and her struggle with communication. MMC is renowned for their efforts in providing the best services to children with Autism and other developmental disorders. Their ability to see a particular child’s strengths, and their knowledge to use these strengths as a catapult in the child’s learning program increases a child’s success exponentially.

Their parent surveys are phenomenal. Their parent to school communication is exceptional, expanding further on a child’s progress. I know of a couple other families with little ones that have attended MMC, and I have heard nothing but gratitude and amazement in the progress of their child’s development.

All said, it’s the best school for Mia right now, and I was more than ecstatic when I was told there was a spot available for her in the fall. Actually, I cried when I found out. Because MMC offers such a structured and individualized program on a child by child case, and utilizes a one on one teacher to child basis, spots in this school are very few. So, even though I had made this move to benefit Mia’s schooling situation, I knew that there was a chance that there might not be room for her in the program. Still, I made the move anyways and prayed for the best. And here we are, awaiting the first day of her new school year!

So, on August 29th, Mia will officially be a kindergartener, and on her way to one of the best learning experiences available to her! I know that here, Mia will flourish in her development, and I can’t wait to see her put more of her hurdles behind her. I am so glad that I made this move, and I can’t wait to share with you our experiences, and her further growth!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go find a box of Kleenex as I reminisce about our last six years together, and rejoice in the opportunities and successes of years to come!

Too big, too fast. Where has the time gone?! <3

When Fishing With Kids, Handedness Matters

Mia always leads with her left hand.

This has been the first year that Mia has taken any real interest at all in fishing. Standing still, holding the fishing rod, being patient, have all been hard for her. With a lack of focus, and her constant need to run around in an effort to make sense of her surroundings (running provides her with sensory inputs that calm her overactive nervous system down), learning the basics of fishing has been a challenge for Mia. But as the years have progressed, she has made progress.

Now, when I tell Mia that “let's do this”, she comes over to me and watches intently as I show her the technique of casting. I hover over her and put her right hand on the rod, while her eyes are fixated on my hand as my finger heads for, and presses that little button. She loves to push buttons because they usually reward her with glorious lights or songs. So she tries to find the correlation between this button and what we’re doing here. There is no obvious cause and effect (no lights, no music, no sound at all), so to her there is no reason why we should be pushing this button.

I cast out with our right hands, showing her how I let go of the button, the lure flying in the air and splashing in the water. I take her left hand and place it on what I expect to be the reel handle, but it’s not there. We switch gears and adjust to get our right hand on the reel handle, but by now she has grown agitated and wants to let go of the reel. I let her, because the last thing I want to do is to force her to do something she doesn’t want. If I did, fishing would be no fun at all. Mia stands with me still, watching my hand reel, and looking up to watch the top water frog lure we’re using swimming towards us on the water’s surface, fascinated by it’s movement and ability to create ripples on the water.

We try again, and still the reeling is a no go. I know exactly what the issue is, and it kills me that I didn’t even take into consideration such an important factor for fishing on Mia’s part.

She’s a southpaw!

Mia loves momma's rod and reel! And momma loves her camera tripod! :)

When I bought her this setup, my excitement for memories to be made, the visions of mom and daughter catching one glorious fish after another on a perfect summer day, clouded my mind during purchase time. In the allure of getting out there and fishing with my girly, I never once considered to look for a left handed reel setup.  I wanted to smack myself, I’ve known for four years that she’s left handed. Heck, even all of my reel setups are left handed, because it’s just more comfortable.

So, as a test I put Mia’s rod down, and pick up mine because it, again, is set up for a lefty. I flip the bail, cast out, and flip the bail back over. I proceed to hand the rod to Mia in her right hand, with her left on the reel handle. We cast our lure out, and reached for the handle, which was now on the correct side, and……..SHE GETS IT!!! The movement is fluid, smooth, not at all foreign as with her right hand!

So, I decided to go out and find her a new rod set up for a left handed kiddo. What did I find in the way of kids left handed rod/combo packs? NOTHING! Yep, frustrating. As I searched and searched, I got to thinking about how the market dwindled in this area, and I wondered why. Most children develop a preference of handedness around the age of three. Mia was predominately left handed at the age of two, this was obvious because she was grasping anything she wanted with that hand. And if kids haven’t show a preference by then, they start showing it in the early school years.

A typical mom/daughter moment on one of our outings! <3

So why then, are these rods that are aimed for children in the range of 3-6 years old, fashioned with the current characters of the hottest cartoons and animated movies, only aimed at right handed kids? Do these companies not take into account that hand preference is developed early on? It is most likely an oversight, since only 10% of the worlds population is left handed.

So, to fix this need for a setup for little lefty, I found a Zebco Dock Demon rod for $10. It’s about the same length as any child size rod, 30'”, and it did come with a reel, but of course, it’s right handed, and not at all interchangeable. But, this setup does allow me something her pretty purple Dora rod did not. The ability to switch up reels.

The local retailer we went to had no stock of small closed face reels when I picked up the rod, so our hunt for a reel continues. In the meantime, Mia has become quite smitten with momma’s rod and reel set up, so her learning on how to cast and reel will continue until her setup is complete!